Paying it forward

Were it not for the confidence, wisdom, and encouragement of a phenomenal woman who has profoundly influenced my life, I never would have applied for a PhD program. 

After all, it wasn't something that was on the checklist I was taught from Sunbeams on....you know, the "get baptized, get my YW recognition award, go on a mission (but only if I wasn't married!), go to the temple to get married, have babies and be happy forever" list.  That one.  The "I've completed the checklist, now I get to be righteous!" list.

I started my MA program simply because Ben wasn't done with school yet and I needed something to do.  And then my worldview totally shifted.  And I started to think that maybe I could do something other than the "checklist" approach with the rest of my life.

My dear mentor and friend (you know who you are!!) encouraged me to believe I could do it.  Not just to go through the motions, but to recognize the qualities in myself that made me fit for academic work.  She still reminds me of it sometimes, on my bad days.  And I'm really thankful to her for that.

Today I got a voicemail message from a young woman who's finishing college and considering a graduate program.  My memories of her are of a really cute hairbow-wearing 6-year-old, the much younger sister of my younger sister's friend.  The message was something along the lines of "My mom said I should call you because you've done the graduate school process and might have advice for me."

I hope that I didn't overwhelm her!  :-)

I just spent over an hour talking to her.....it's funny how you find a kindred spirit in someone you never expected to.  I heard myself asking questions about her plans and what she's done so far, then saying things that have been said to me, words of encouragement and validation.  She's obviously done her homework and is very serious about making sure that she's following the path that God has for her....and that is what makes me so sure that she's going to be just fine.

It felt good to pay the favor forward, and especially good to help her feel confident and capable.  Especially when she said that growing up in the Church had kept her from seeing the grad school path as an option. 

I've been there, and felt that dichotomy.  Fortunately for me, I recognized its falsity.  It was good to be able to discuss it and re-affirm my knowledge that you can manage both; I would hate for her to feel like she had to choose between the two.