ha HA!

I turned in my paper yesterday. So now I just have to defend it and my exam. Then I can take the 100+ books BACK TO THE LIBRARY! I'm going to need them when I'm writing my dissertation, but not all at once. And besides, I think there will be something extremely cathartic about dumping them all down the book drop.

We're at Dad's, enjoying a long weekend off (Ben got an extra day because of the INSANE 8am-3am day he worked a week ago). Among other good things, our poor sick-ish car is going to get repaired (we're hoping it's several small things rather than one big thing, or worse, several big things) Ben gets to play in a musical, which I think will do him good (and he'll have some ill-gotten gains with which to buy the new keyboard he's been wanting). We'll have J's birthday party on Sunday. And I'm going to go running. I always feel safer running here because I know a lot of the people, and I know where I'm going! There are great training hills around here. Just big enough to be tough, not so big as to be scary (like when I used to run the Y. I must have been insane).

I'm glad for a few days to think before I have to get ready for my LAST exam. Although, I did talk to my advisor while I was on campus to turn in my paper. She said she's read my exam and thinks that I'm "in really good shape." Hooray!

Hmmmm

Immigration has been a hard thing for me to get my head around ever since my mission. I'm hugely conflicted on a lot of the surrounding issues, and don't feel educated/involved enough to offer an opinion most of the time.

But I agree pretty heartily with this.

The Valley

That's what my family calls the place where Gran's house and the house I grew up in are.

I have so many happy memories of childhood and home:
Playing in the creek (on the condition that we were only allowed ONE change of dry clothes each day)
Dad making fires in the buck stove (this didn't happen often, but I was always fascinated by it)
Picking lilacs for Hannah's birthday....laundry baskets full. SO MUCH FUN!
Nick and Lou putting snakes in coolers and other odd places
Flour fights (as long as we cleaned them up) in the kitchen
The COLD, iron-y hose water in the summer
Building things out of sticks, moss, leaves, branches and (of course) jump ropes
Reading books up in the magnolia tree in the front yard, or the maple in the side yard
Nick asking "Why does this always happen to me?" every time he got hurt
Apple trees - blossoms in the spring and apples (just sometimes) in the fall
Cutting Christmas trees and greenery for the house (I even wound long-needled pine around the banisters one year...almost made me swear, and I never did it again!)
Putting baking soda paste on bee stings to take out the poison
Sand fights with Louie in the creek
Camping out up at the camp site in the woods
Putting my feet up on the ceiling while I laid on my bed (my room was under the roof/eaves)
Watching cars roll in down the lane and running out laying claim to one cousin or another (we used to fight over whoever was the baby...I love seeing those same cousins doing the same thing over my kids)

The list could go on and on. It's a safe place, and a place where I always felt loved (and still love to go home to). Not that my family is perfect...we're far from it. We're really open about most things (which in general is good), but we're pretty opinionated too (which can cause conflict).

But I went out to the valley with Bee, J, and Ben on Easter Sunday morning. We missed the first 15 minutes of the Sunday conference session, but I think it was worth it. Bee and I even got in the creek (the water was COLD!), and we picked some daffodils.

Late-night internet randomness

I (almost) always read articles breastfeeding when I come across them, because I feel pretty strongly about it....for a lot of different reasons. Sometime when you have too much time on your hands (since that happens to all of us so often) and are in the mood for a rant, give me a call. :-)

I nursed Bee until she got sick of it (the day before her first birthday). J is still nursing (he'll be one in 17 days!!). He gets a bottle from time to time (qualifying exams proved enough to cut into my milk supply with a decent vengeance....but only very recently, and not so much as to totally make nursing impossible, so we're in good shape!).

A woman wrote an interesting article in the Atlantic. Since the title was "The case against breastfeeding" you can imagine the raised hackles I went into reading it with. But there are some good points, one of which I've been thinking about because of the differences in my kids. By the time Bee was the age J is now, she had about 8 words in her vocabulary. When J says "MAH!," I get excited and try to encourage it. Anyway. She points this out:

The IQ studies run into the central problem of breast-feeding research: it is impossible to separate a mother’s decision to breast-feed—and everything that goes along with it—from the breast-feeding itself. Even sibling studies can’t get around this problem. With her first child, for instance, a mother may be extra cautious, keeping the neighbor’s germy brats away and slapping the nurse who gives out the free formula sample. By her third child, she may no longer breast-feed—giving researchers the sibling comparison that they crave—but many other things may have changed as well. Maybe she is now using day care, exposing the baby to more illnesses. Surely she is not noticing that kid No.2 has the baby’s pacifier in his mouth, or that the cat is sleeping in the crib (trust me on this one). She is also not staring lovingly into the baby’s eyes all day, singing songs, reading book after infant book, because she has to make sure that the other two kids are not drowning each other in the tub. On paper, the three siblings are equivalent, but their experiences are not.



I like the tone of it.

I think it's important to remember that every woman who decides to be a mother goes through different seasons in her life...and the kids will be along for the ride. Add to that the fact that each child is different, and this allows for some pretty dramatic variation in parenting and childhood experiences.

And I really think that it will all be okay. That's all! So thoughtful, no?

Relief

I took my written exam yesterday. I'm not even really sure how it went...I don't know exactly what they're expecting. I know I got at least one name wrong...attributed an idea to the wrong critic. But I'm hoping that the overall strength of my answers will outweigh it. The great thing is that I just feel so relieved! Pass, fail, whatever, at least it's done with.

Now I have to write my paper, but it doesn't have to be in until the 22nd. So I'm taking this weekend off....I'm going to dye Easter eggs with T and everybody tonight, take Bee to pick daffodils and narcissus at Gran's, and just enjoy General Conference. And SLEEP! Last night was the first time I've slept 7 1/2 hours since J was born. Pretty great.

When I left the building yesterday (after 6 hours in which I wrote TWENTY TWO PAGES!!) the sun was so nice, and I knew I was coming home to people who love and will take care of me....and I get to enjoy them! It was just such a relief. I can't compare much else to it. I'm so glad it's over!