In the basement post I mentioned how my Dad can fix anything. I think that it comes from years of living in and fixing up an old house....the house that I grew up in was a great house out in the country, I loved living there. But it always needed something done, because it wasn't new. I truly feel that making a home a comfortable place that he and his family can be proud of is one of the ways that my Dad shows love. And I'm really grateful that he's that way.
When he was helping us get the new sump pump installed, he had Ben come down to help him for the dis-assembly of the old pump. Once that was done, Ben and I traded places. I went down and he explained what he'd done, then had me help him do what needed done to hook up the new one (I learned that PVC pipe is amazingly simple to install and seal). Before we plugged it in he had Ben come down again so he could explain what Ben missed.
My Dad is an equal-opportunity teacher when it comes to fixing things. He wanted Ben to have the know-how to fix it because it's "man stuff," but he taught me to do it, too. This makes me think of all the things that are typically assigned as "man's work" that my Dad taught me to do - drive a riding mower, fix a weedeater, patch siding and replace shingles, change a tire and oil, drive a tractor and bush-hog (though he only let me do it long enough to learn! He's so paranoid), drive a stick shift, drive the maneuverability courses that the Troopers have to learn (though he didn't make me take them at 55, thank goodness....I was only sixteen after all), how to shoot a gun (I'm still trying to get him to teach me to dis-assemble it....maybe this will be the year), how to fix a leaky faucet, how to re-finish furniture (though T taught me about the upholstery, I guess that one's a joint project), how to patch broken pipe, how to build raised flower-beds....the list goes on and on.
I'm glad that he didn't just wait for some other man to become responsible for me, he helped me know how to handle life so that I could be a worthwhile companion for Ben. I like pulling my own weight.
And when it comes down to it, I think Ben would rather have a wife who's down in the basement squeegie-ing the floor with him, than one who says "Hey, hubby*, how's the water mess coming?"
I'm glad my Dad helped teach me to be that wife.
* I hate this word in all its cutesy variations....if it works for other people, that's fine, but it just seems infantilizing to me for some reason.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Battle of the basement part....2? 5? 7? I've lost track
Yesterday I ran 4 miles at an 8:30 pace. I was pretty excited about it. Since I ran on a treadmill (something I almost never do, but it was 22 degrees yesterday and I was feeling sissy-ish), I was SWEATY.
Came home, started to draw a bath. About 2 inches of hot water ran before it ran out. I chalked it up to laundry and the dishwasher. Killed some time. Went back to run the water. Still cold.
Pilot light on the water heater? Meh. No biggie. Went to the basement, opened the door.
Saw the lake. Worse than last spring. How? No idea. The sump pump and the lift station pump were both running, but apparently that was insufficient.
So last night we turned off the gas to the water heater and furnace and bundled all into bed under a bunch of quilts, slept sound and warm pretending there wasn't a problem. This morning turned it on just to heat the house up again, then back off.
At some point in all this I called Mom just to get a pat on the head and a little reassurance. She did even better than that - generously offered to pitch in some money. Ben called Dad and they did some assessing. I went to the hardware store and bought the parts they need, they're downstairs doing their best.
Apparently a 1/4 horsepower sump pump is insufficient. So we bought one that's a full horsepower. Supposedly it pumps 91 gallons a minute. Oh, I'm hoping against hope that this will finally solve the problem!!
I'm so grateful for people that love us and have the know-how and wherewithal to help us.
** Update: After Ben took the first shift working, he took over with the kids and I went into the water world with Dad. Some really cold toes later (I don't have waterproof boots....apparently it's not just on trail races that I can mind-over-matter cold water on my feet!), things are draining well. Hooray!
Came home, started to draw a bath. About 2 inches of hot water ran before it ran out. I chalked it up to laundry and the dishwasher. Killed some time. Went back to run the water. Still cold.
Pilot light on the water heater? Meh. No biggie. Went to the basement, opened the door.
Saw the lake. Worse than last spring. How? No idea. The sump pump and the lift station pump were both running, but apparently that was insufficient.
So last night we turned off the gas to the water heater and furnace and bundled all into bed under a bunch of quilts, slept sound and warm pretending there wasn't a problem. This morning turned it on just to heat the house up again, then back off.
At some point in all this I called Mom just to get a pat on the head and a little reassurance. She did even better than that - generously offered to pitch in some money. Ben called Dad and they did some assessing. I went to the hardware store and bought the parts they need, they're downstairs doing their best.
Apparently a 1/4 horsepower sump pump is insufficient. So we bought one that's a full horsepower. Supposedly it pumps 91 gallons a minute. Oh, I'm hoping against hope that this will finally solve the problem!!
I'm so grateful for people that love us and have the know-how and wherewithal to help us.
** Update: After Ben took the first shift working, he took over with the kids and I went into the water world with Dad. Some really cold toes later (I don't have waterproof boots....apparently it's not just on trail races that I can mind-over-matter cold water on my feet!), things are draining well. Hooray!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Avoidance
I'm making a resolution. I'm going to stay away from blogs that inflame me with their rationalization of bad behavior and mean-spiritedness.
Which means keeping to The Exponent and avoiding "Good Strong Men."
But not before I make one last commentary, just because this man's reasoning is so fallacious.
In a follow-up to the woman-blaming post on pornography that I reference below, author Strong Man writes that porn is bad but isn't really any worse than eating too much meat (because we all know that that will keep you out of the temple), not visiting people in prison (because of course if you're fulfilling your home/visiting teaching calling to other people that's insufficient), speeding (because General Authorities continually warn against over-use of a gas pedal), or neglecting your family history work (okay, I added that last one, but you get the idea). He says these three things:
1) But, I'll leave the decisions of worthiness up to each individual person.
2) Either way--the man doesn't preside because he's more worthy or because he holds the priesthood--a non-LDS man who is "unworthy" still presides over his family.
3) The more worthy he is, the more easily he'll be able to listen to and obey God and bless his family. Yet of course, that leadership only helps them if they are willing to follow his guidance.
I have three things to say in response, because pornography addiction in the Church is a problem that cripples LDS men. They end up incapacitated, inactive, and unfit to be leaders. Remember how I said this quickly becomes a women's issue? Well, I'm an example of that. No, not because I have a husband who uses porn or rationalizes porn use as okay or "not a big deal." He calls it what it is - an evil thing that will destroy us if we don't avoid it completely - and acts accordingly. This is "my issue" because I attend a ward where there are few men who are capable leaders, counterbalanced with a small group of very capable women and a very large group of very needy individuals and families. These men dabble in one addiction or another without seeking the help they need to truly repent of them, or are inert in their own self-styled-scriptorian contentedness and do little or no real good. This creates a stagnant ward that is, in a word, dying. Since it affects me in terms of the "health" of the ward I attend, I have the following comments:
1) Leaving decisions of personal worthiness up to people themselves is fine - they're responsible for themselves. But if a man can look at porn and say "well, I'm not really hurting anyone, this isn't hard-core porn" then a woman who says "Nope, I'm only gonna have sex when I gain an upper hand by doing it" is no worse off. And that idea is ridiculous! They both need serious help, beyond what they'll come up with on their own. The fact exists that sin is sin. When you "look on a woman to lust after her" you've committed adultery in your heart. When you abuse your children or manipulate your spouse, you're defying God's instruction for families. And that's concrete. You can choose to do what you need to repent (talking to a Bishop would be wise, I think, to get some guidance rather than just fudging based on your own shame), or not. You have that choice - but as with all choices, there are better and worse ones.
2) Absolutely, non-LDS men preside in their homes without the aid of the Priesthood. An LDS man has a different leadership capacity. He bears the responsibility to use the Priesthood he holds to bless his family. The scriptures are quite clear that there are different standards for people who know more or have made certain covenants (see Doctrine and Covenants 82:3).
3) The leadership a father provides for his family depends largely on his ability to be inspired. When a husband classifies pornography use as "not such a big problem" or "something he can deal with in his way" rather than God's way, he's setting himself up for major problems down the road. When Eli's sons defiled the temple and slept with women they weren't married to, Eli told them they were wrong and bad. He provided leadership by calling them to repentance. And they didn't listen to him. When they didn't follow his advice, God punished Eli AND his sons. The question of leadership went beyond Eli calling them to repentance, it depended on Eli actively prohibiting sin not only in his household but more specifically in the temple. (see 1 Samuel 3 and 4, but 3:13 specifically)
If you're an LDS man who has pornography problems - with any type or pornography (I don't care what "core" it is, it's bad stuff), of any frequency/duration (you only looked once? Well, guess what, you looked once.) - don't practice the "Well, it's bad, but I can decide on my own how to repent of it because it's a personal decision," self-medicating avoidance tactic that Strong Man advises. By doing so, you're perpetuating the problem, limiting your ability to bless your family, and crippling the growth of the Church by creating weak wards.
It's really that serious.
Why else would Church leaders, in addition to COUNTLESS condemnations from the pulpit in General Conference of any and all forms of pornography, say in the Church Handbook of Instructions that "The Church opposes pornography in any form. Indulgence in pornography damages individual lives, families, and society. Such indulgence drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members should avoid all forms of pornographic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and use."
Now, some people will nit-pick and say "It says avoid. Sometimes when you avoid something, you end up in it by accident, or it happens anyway." I call BULL. Avoid means "keep away or refrain from" - ACTIVELY.
Call a spade a spade, stop looking at women (pictures of them, cheerleaders in short skirts, fashion models or actresses, coworkers, women on the street or at church, and your wife) as objects, go to your Bishop and be honest about the problem, then actively decide to keep yourself worthy. For your own sake and for the sake of the people around you who need the benefits of the Priesthood you bear.
Which means keeping to The Exponent and avoiding "Good Strong Men."
But not before I make one last commentary, just because this man's reasoning is so fallacious.
In a follow-up to the woman-blaming post on pornography that I reference below, author Strong Man writes that porn is bad but isn't really any worse than eating too much meat (because we all know that that will keep you out of the temple), not visiting people in prison (because of course if you're fulfilling your home/visiting teaching calling to other people that's insufficient), speeding (because General Authorities continually warn against over-use of a gas pedal), or neglecting your family history work (okay, I added that last one, but you get the idea). He says these three things:
1) But, I'll leave the decisions of worthiness up to each individual person.
2) Either way--the man doesn't preside because he's more worthy or because he holds the priesthood--a non-LDS man who is "unworthy" still presides over his family.
3) The more worthy he is, the more easily he'll be able to listen to and obey God and bless his family. Yet of course, that leadership only helps them if they are willing to follow his guidance.
I have three things to say in response, because pornography addiction in the Church is a problem that cripples LDS men. They end up incapacitated, inactive, and unfit to be leaders. Remember how I said this quickly becomes a women's issue? Well, I'm an example of that. No, not because I have a husband who uses porn or rationalizes porn use as okay or "not a big deal." He calls it what it is - an evil thing that will destroy us if we don't avoid it completely - and acts accordingly. This is "my issue" because I attend a ward where there are few men who are capable leaders, counterbalanced with a small group of very capable women and a very large group of very needy individuals and families. These men dabble in one addiction or another without seeking the help they need to truly repent of them, or are inert in their own self-styled-scriptorian contentedness and do little or no real good. This creates a stagnant ward that is, in a word, dying. Since it affects me in terms of the "health" of the ward I attend, I have the following comments:
1) Leaving decisions of personal worthiness up to people themselves is fine - they're responsible for themselves. But if a man can look at porn and say "well, I'm not really hurting anyone, this isn't hard-core porn" then a woman who says "Nope, I'm only gonna have sex when I gain an upper hand by doing it" is no worse off. And that idea is ridiculous! They both need serious help, beyond what they'll come up with on their own. The fact exists that sin is sin. When you "look on a woman to lust after her" you've committed adultery in your heart. When you abuse your children or manipulate your spouse, you're defying God's instruction for families. And that's concrete. You can choose to do what you need to repent (talking to a Bishop would be wise, I think, to get some guidance rather than just fudging based on your own shame), or not. You have that choice - but as with all choices, there are better and worse ones.
2) Absolutely, non-LDS men preside in their homes without the aid of the Priesthood. An LDS man has a different leadership capacity. He bears the responsibility to use the Priesthood he holds to bless his family. The scriptures are quite clear that there are different standards for people who know more or have made certain covenants (see Doctrine and Covenants 82:3).
3) The leadership a father provides for his family depends largely on his ability to be inspired. When a husband classifies pornography use as "not such a big problem" or "something he can deal with in his way" rather than God's way, he's setting himself up for major problems down the road. When Eli's sons defiled the temple and slept with women they weren't married to, Eli told them they were wrong and bad. He provided leadership by calling them to repentance. And they didn't listen to him. When they didn't follow his advice, God punished Eli AND his sons. The question of leadership went beyond Eli calling them to repentance, it depended on Eli actively prohibiting sin not only in his household but more specifically in the temple. (see 1 Samuel 3 and 4, but 3:13 specifically)
If you're an LDS man who has pornography problems - with any type or pornography (I don't care what "core" it is, it's bad stuff), of any frequency/duration (you only looked once? Well, guess what, you looked once.) - don't practice the "Well, it's bad, but I can decide on my own how to repent of it because it's a personal decision," self-medicating avoidance tactic that Strong Man advises. By doing so, you're perpetuating the problem, limiting your ability to bless your family, and crippling the growth of the Church by creating weak wards.
It's really that serious.
Why else would Church leaders, in addition to COUNTLESS condemnations from the pulpit in General Conference of any and all forms of pornography, say in the Church Handbook of Instructions that "The Church opposes pornography in any form. Indulgence in pornography damages individual lives, families, and society. Such indulgence drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members should avoid all forms of pornographic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and use."
Now, some people will nit-pick and say "It says avoid. Sometimes when you avoid something, you end up in it by accident, or it happens anyway." I call BULL. Avoid means "keep away or refrain from" - ACTIVELY.
Call a spade a spade, stop looking at women (pictures of them, cheerleaders in short skirts, fashion models or actresses, coworkers, women on the street or at church, and your wife) as objects, go to your Bishop and be honest about the problem, then actively decide to keep yourself worthy. For your own sake and for the sake of the people around you who need the benefits of the Priesthood you bear.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Kids say the darnedest things!
Miss Bee is as talkative as ever these days. She's gotten more skilled in her debating abilities, though. The other day we had an exchange that went something like this:
Me: Sorry, babe, I forgot. I'm not perfect.
Bee: Why not?
Me: Well, nobody's perfect. Except Jesus, I guess.
Bee: God's perfect.
Me: True, good point!
Bee: HA!
She's also sounding out four- and five-syllable words on her own these days. I was really impressed when she did "sophisticated," because of the "ph". Apparently they've covered that at some point in school. Or maybe she's just good at it on her own. Who knows.
Baby J is also talking more and more. He says things like "Want sam chotit pips on mine's Woody Buzz pup" (Want some chocolate chips in my Woody Buzz cup) and "I want put mine's biddy up on mine's bed!" (I want to put my blankie up on my bed!).
He has also started negotiating.....or maybe practicing advanced avoidance, I'm not sure which. Last night the interaction went something like this:
J: Watch it Winnie da Pooh
Me: No, we're not going to watch Winnie the Pooh right now.
J: Why?
Me: Because it's almost time to go to bed.
J: I want Bada!
(Bada is my Dad, who happened to be visiting for dinner last night)
He loves his new half-bunk from Ikea, and the tent attachment for it (Ben's brilliant idea!) is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him. His favorite thing to do these days is to climb up the wrong side of the stair bannisters until his feet are about five feet up, then dropping down onto the carpet. He LOVES to climb and to jump, and is frighteningly good at it. He can also get a chair from the table, push it to the cabinet, climb up on it and then the counter, open up the cabinet, and get out crackers. All by himself! Love it.
They continually impress me with their creativity, they work together to build block cities and train table tracks (though that requires some help from me sometimes). They also manage to be really self-contained. They play with their toys alone, without the constant "Mom, play with me," "Mom, I need....... ," and "I'm BORED!" that I hear from a lot of kids their age. And Bee gets to play out at the valley when she's with Gran. I'm so glad that she gets to be attached to that place, even if not in quite the same way I was.
All in all, we're having a pretty good life at the moment.
Me: Sorry, babe, I forgot. I'm not perfect.
Bee: Why not?
Me: Well, nobody's perfect. Except Jesus, I guess.
Bee: God's perfect.
Me: True, good point!
Bee: HA!
She's also sounding out four- and five-syllable words on her own these days. I was really impressed when she did "sophisticated," because of the "ph". Apparently they've covered that at some point in school. Or maybe she's just good at it on her own. Who knows.
Baby J is also talking more and more. He says things like "Want sam chotit pips on mine's Woody Buzz pup" (Want some chocolate chips in my Woody Buzz cup) and "I want put mine's biddy up on mine's bed!" (I want to put my blankie up on my bed!).
He has also started negotiating.....or maybe practicing advanced avoidance, I'm not sure which. Last night the interaction went something like this:
J: Watch it Winnie da Pooh
Me: No, we're not going to watch Winnie the Pooh right now.
J: Why?
Me: Because it's almost time to go to bed.
J: I want Bada!
(Bada is my Dad, who happened to be visiting for dinner last night)
He loves his new half-bunk from Ikea, and the tent attachment for it (Ben's brilliant idea!) is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him. His favorite thing to do these days is to climb up the wrong side of the stair bannisters until his feet are about five feet up, then dropping down onto the carpet. He LOVES to climb and to jump, and is frighteningly good at it. He can also get a chair from the table, push it to the cabinet, climb up on it and then the counter, open up the cabinet, and get out crackers. All by himself! Love it.
They continually impress me with their creativity, they work together to build block cities and train table tracks (though that requires some help from me sometimes). They also manage to be really self-contained. They play with their toys alone, without the constant "Mom, play with me," "Mom, I need....... ," and "I'm BORED!" that I hear from a lot of kids their age. And Bee gets to play out at the valley when she's with Gran. I'm so glad that she gets to be attached to that place, even if not in quite the same way I was.
All in all, we're having a pretty good life at the moment.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
LDS men and pornography
I, of course, have opinions about this because in an LDS setting a husband's pornography use very quickly becomes a women's issue. But that's not what I'm going to talk about. I just want to put up two posts for your comparing pleasure:
This one is from an LDS man who has obviously done his homework and wants other LDS men to wake up and make actual (not just symptom-treating) progress
This one and
this one are from an LDS man who, as far as I can tell, wants to blame LDS women (because they refuse sex and get fat) for the fact that their husbands use pornography and lie about it (I mean the problem couldn't possibly be the man's choice, it MUST be that his wife overreacts to it)
Guess which site I like better?? :-)
This one is from an LDS man who has obviously done his homework and wants other LDS men to wake up and make actual (not just symptom-treating) progress
This one and
this one are from an LDS man who, as far as I can tell, wants to blame LDS women (because they refuse sex and get fat) for the fact that their husbands use pornography and lie about it (I mean the problem couldn't possibly be the man's choice, it MUST be that his wife overreacts to it)
Guess which site I like better?? :-)
Saturday, January 14, 2012
I love trail races!
I'm officially addicted.
Finished an 8-miler today about 2 minutes faster than my previous best for the distance (my unofficial time had me at an hour and 18 minutes, we'll see what the official results say), and placed in my age group. The highlight of the race had to be the volunteer at the stream crossing (yes, it's 24 degrees here and they had us cross a stream that was 20+ feet wide and 6 inches deep....I had splash from the knees down and was thoroughly enthused by the cold, until I tried to take my shoes off at the end of the race and realized that my laces had frozen together, which made for some hefty pulling so I could get out of wet socks...anyway) who was yelling "veer right, come straight towards me....it doesn't look like it, but that's the best way through! On the left there are rocks you'll fall over!" So I braced myself, braved it, and splashed on through. :-)
Next on the list is a 14-miler in February. I'll do another 13-15 mile in March, and then I'm going to do my first-ever ultra in April. I'm more than a little nervous about it, and today's struggle to keep my normally clockwork pace made me realize that I need to quit relying on pure mental toughness to get me through, rather than training right. I might be able to fake an 8-miler (especially on a lovely, hilly, rooty, rocky, wet stream, muddy course), but not a 30-miler.
Today I really noticed one thing that has always caught my attention in my running exploits- I don't have a typical runner body. That long, lean, thin muscle structure that most people think of when it comes to distance runners. I was one of the only women at the race today who had much of a butt, I've always (my whole life) been just a bit thick through the thighs (I'm my father's daughter that way). And my high school cross-country coach (who practiced a cut-and-paste thought experiment involving picking a feature or two from each of his top runners to build his dream champion runner) always used to say he'd take my shoulders and ankles any day because they're both strong (ie, not skinny). This always makes me wonder, because your butt is a running muscle....so maybe my endurance comes from another place than the endurance these other runners have? I dunno. Whatever the case may be, I'm quite happy with the results that my return to running have produced....I never expected to be thinner now than I was before children. And most importantly, I'm comfortable in my skin.
Anyway, now that I'm home, with the mud rinsing out of my clothes in the washer and me all nicely warmed up and settled in sweatpants and a hoodie and some thick socks, life is good. I wish that writing came to me as easily as running. *sigh*
Finished an 8-miler today about 2 minutes faster than my previous best for the distance (my unofficial time had me at an hour and 18 minutes, we'll see what the official results say), and placed in my age group. The highlight of the race had to be the volunteer at the stream crossing (yes, it's 24 degrees here and they had us cross a stream that was 20+ feet wide and 6 inches deep....I had splash from the knees down and was thoroughly enthused by the cold, until I tried to take my shoes off at the end of the race and realized that my laces had frozen together, which made for some hefty pulling so I could get out of wet socks...anyway) who was yelling "veer right, come straight towards me....it doesn't look like it, but that's the best way through! On the left there are rocks you'll fall over!" So I braced myself, braved it, and splashed on through. :-)
Next on the list is a 14-miler in February. I'll do another 13-15 mile in March, and then I'm going to do my first-ever ultra in April. I'm more than a little nervous about it, and today's struggle to keep my normally clockwork pace made me realize that I need to quit relying on pure mental toughness to get me through, rather than training right. I might be able to fake an 8-miler (especially on a lovely, hilly, rooty, rocky, wet stream, muddy course), but not a 30-miler.
Today I really noticed one thing that has always caught my attention in my running exploits- I don't have a typical runner body. That long, lean, thin muscle structure that most people think of when it comes to distance runners. I was one of the only women at the race today who had much of a butt, I've always (my whole life) been just a bit thick through the thighs (I'm my father's daughter that way). And my high school cross-country coach (who practiced a cut-and-paste thought experiment involving picking a feature or two from each of his top runners to build his dream champion runner) always used to say he'd take my shoulders and ankles any day because they're both strong (ie, not skinny). This always makes me wonder, because your butt is a running muscle....so maybe my endurance comes from another place than the endurance these other runners have? I dunno. Whatever the case may be, I'm quite happy with the results that my return to running have produced....I never expected to be thinner now than I was before children. And most importantly, I'm comfortable in my skin.
Anyway, now that I'm home, with the mud rinsing out of my clothes in the washer and me all nicely warmed up and settled in sweatpants and a hoodie and some thick socks, life is good. I wish that writing came to me as easily as running. *sigh*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)