I just don't have a whole lot of it. I'm a planner, constantly looking forward to the next thing. My wonderful mother, thankfully, has taught me a lot about enjoying the journey and just relishing the time that I have now, wherever and however it is. But that hasn't changed the looking forward...at least not a whole lot.
We still don't have jobs. Well, in Ohio. We have them and can continue living comfortably as we are for quite sometime. Which is a nice sort of safety net.
Despite this fact, we went to look at a house in Ohio yesterday. A 170-year-old farmhouse with a 10-year-old addition. An awesome hodgepodge house with interesting angles, odd little quirks, and wasted space as only old houses can have (a room almost like a closet that's on the second story above the tiny entryway, with its own door to close itself off from the rest of the landing of the stairs, and a giant church-style window). It is NOT in good shape. They're selling it for cheap, and we could probably offer a LOT less than they're asking and get it. But then there would be plaster to strip off walls, wiring to re-do, moisture barriers to install pre-drywall, painting, a dehumidifier or other similar system to solve some basement issues, floor to re-sand and re-finish, more painting.....we would be MARRIED to this house...do nothing but pour money into it for years and years to make it livable.
I've started looking into types of loans to make that possible. And I'm not even sure I WANT to do the work! AND WE DON'T HAVE JOBS HERE! Which makes the whole thing moot.
I love the house. Or at least the idea of it....a cool house for my kids to grow up in, that would have a great story to it. And character. And no cookie-cutter similarities to any others around it.
And despite the fact that it's completely a non-issue, I will proceed to worry about it until someone else buys it before we get jobs and can do it ourselves.
That's just what I do. I guess I might as well accept it.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
I really love....
......when General Relief Society Presidents validate my existence. It's even better when they did it in NINETEEN SEVENTY FIVE!
"The Church places no restrictions on a woman's going into the marketplace and into community service on a paid or a volunteer basis, if she so desires, when her home and family circumstances allow her to do so without impairment to them. Women are encouraged to develop their full potential as women, and the Church affords abundant opportunity for them to do so. Well-directed compassionate service, which is according to the nature of women, is but the law of brotherhood in action. It is Latter-day Saint doctrine. "
- Belle S. Spafford
Now, I'm not by any means saying that all women need to/should/have to/whatever work. Just that I really wish that when it comes up that it's ME in school, not Ben, the missionaries we've invited over for dinner don't go. "OH! YOU'RE in school? What do you study? What are you going to do with that?" And when I say teach, they assume high school. Not college.
Anyway. I'm not up for a full-out rant. Just wanted to say that I think it's cool that Sis. Spafford thinks it's allright for me to be a professor, even if the missionaries don't. :-)
"The Church places no restrictions on a woman's going into the marketplace and into community service on a paid or a volunteer basis, if she so desires, when her home and family circumstances allow her to do so without impairment to them. Women are encouraged to develop their full potential as women, and the Church affords abundant opportunity for them to do so. Well-directed compassionate service, which is according to the nature of women, is but the law of brotherhood in action. It is Latter-day Saint doctrine. "
- Belle S. Spafford
Now, I'm not by any means saying that all women need to/should/have to/whatever work. Just that I really wish that when it comes up that it's ME in school, not Ben, the missionaries we've invited over for dinner don't go. "OH! YOU'RE in school? What do you study? What are you going to do with that?" And when I say teach, they assume high school. Not college.
Anyway. I'm not up for a full-out rant. Just wanted to say that I think it's cool that Sis. Spafford thinks it's allright for me to be a professor, even if the missionaries don't. :-)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The Dalai Lama...
...waved at my kids today. Granted we were in a big crowd of people he also waved to, but I think Bee will remember it.
Pretty cool.
Pretty cool.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Baby J
I shouldn't call him Baby J any more, I don't think, because he's getting really big! He stood up all alone for about six seconds today. It made me smile. He's just the sweetest little guy, I think he's a gentle soul like Ben. He gets really upset if I show anything like anger toward Bee. Which is a good thing for me...helps me behave myself. It's really interesting to me that a child so young can have/show compassion/empathy/whatever it would be in a baby!
He has six teeth now, and is really strong.
Oh, and we're done nursing! He's drinking goat's milk these days (I've read that it's easier on their little tummies than cow's milk, but still has all the fat and other stuff they need). I have pretty crazy mixed feelings about being done. There's part of me that's loving being able to pass him off to Ben for an evening bottle, wear my old clothes again, not mess with nursing bras etc, and not have to wonder if I'm going to get bitten every time we nurse (he'd developed a bit of that tendency, yikes!). But then there's the part that misses the snuggling, and the "ha, only I can do this" sort of pride...and just knowing that I was doing something good and (in some small measure) self-sacrificing for my baby because I love him and want what's best for him. All in all, I guess it's just time. And that's the way it goes.
Bee has started playing mom to me and to J. She's pretty good at it, though sometimes it worries me how bossy she is. I know I have some pretty high expectations for her, but I also know I don't stamp my feet and holler at her to do whatever it is I'm asking her to! It's pretty funny...J just stares at her like she's nuts and then crawls away.
On a completely unrelated note, I got to go for a run this evening. I went barefoot, and with music, right as the sun was getting big and orange. It was GREAT, and I managed to go a whole three miles. That's more than I've managed in a long, long time. And I got in before dark so that the crazies wouldn't snatch me. :-)
He has six teeth now, and is really strong.
Oh, and we're done nursing! He's drinking goat's milk these days (I've read that it's easier on their little tummies than cow's milk, but still has all the fat and other stuff they need). I have pretty crazy mixed feelings about being done. There's part of me that's loving being able to pass him off to Ben for an evening bottle, wear my old clothes again, not mess with nursing bras etc, and not have to wonder if I'm going to get bitten every time we nurse (he'd developed a bit of that tendency, yikes!). But then there's the part that misses the snuggling, and the "ha, only I can do this" sort of pride...and just knowing that I was doing something good and (in some small measure) self-sacrificing for my baby because I love him and want what's best for him. All in all, I guess it's just time. And that's the way it goes.
Bee has started playing mom to me and to J. She's pretty good at it, though sometimes it worries me how bossy she is. I know I have some pretty high expectations for her, but I also know I don't stamp my feet and holler at her to do whatever it is I'm asking her to! It's pretty funny...J just stares at her like she's nuts and then crawls away.
On a completely unrelated note, I got to go for a run this evening. I went barefoot, and with music, right as the sun was getting big and orange. It was GREAT, and I managed to go a whole three miles. That's more than I've managed in a long, long time. And I got in before dark so that the crazies wouldn't snatch me. :-)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Is there such a thing as "too feminist"??
Sometimes I think I am. There's a guy in the ward that I have some pretty serious struggles with. I really like his wife, and though their older daughter has a sort of love-hate relationship with Bee, I think it's good for Bee to be around her to learn to deal with it constructively. Anyway. I try, and I mean really hard, (so much that Ben even acknowledges that I do well) to just ignore some of the ridiculous and obnoxiously abrasive comments that this man makes.
I about lost it today, though I did manage to contain myself with just a deep breath and a reddened face (Ben noticed, the offending party didn't). In conversation he brought up (and trust me, it wasn't even relevant to the discussion...Ben and I tried to find the connection for a while and then just gave up so that we could save our sanity) the story in 1 Nephi 17:1-2. He said he thought it was interesting because it's one of the only moments in the Book of Mormon where we see any glimpse into spousal relationships (I think he must not be reading the same book I am), and that it's pretty cool that the Lord could take a "bunch of whiny Jewish princesses" (not my words, I imagine anyone reading this would know that, but just in case) and make them change their hearts and shut up.
Being the kind of woman I am, I had always interpreted this verse in the context of how I would feel if I suddenly had to leave my home and way of life and go out into the wilderness because the Lord said so. I know I'd be sore, tired, sunburned, and not all that happy about the whole eating raw meat thing. That said, I also know that after having borne children in really comfortable circumstances and then recovering in my nice house with lots of good help (thanks, Hannah and Mom and Gran) and STILL suffering through nursing....well, doing that in the freaking desert I would have been murmuring a little bit. Not out of any lack of faith, and not because I'm a "whiny princess," but because it really would suck. The thing I've always thought was cool was that even though the women DID complain, God blessed them for being obedient until they got to the point that they DIDN'T complain any more, helping them transition into a completely new lifestyle.
So rather than read it as "God is so amazing that he managed to fix these whiny women," I think I would much rather read it as "Wow, these women did a really hard thing as best as they could, and then God helped them do the rest. Isn't it amazing how He loves His daughters?"
But maybe I'm just too feminist.
I about lost it today, though I did manage to contain myself with just a deep breath and a reddened face (Ben noticed, the offending party didn't). In conversation he brought up (and trust me, it wasn't even relevant to the discussion...Ben and I tried to find the connection for a while and then just gave up so that we could save our sanity) the story in 1 Nephi 17:1-2. He said he thought it was interesting because it's one of the only moments in the Book of Mormon where we see any glimpse into spousal relationships (I think he must not be reading the same book I am), and that it's pretty cool that the Lord could take a "bunch of whiny Jewish princesses" (not my words, I imagine anyone reading this would know that, but just in case) and make them change their hearts and shut up.
Being the kind of woman I am, I had always interpreted this verse in the context of how I would feel if I suddenly had to leave my home and way of life and go out into the wilderness because the Lord said so. I know I'd be sore, tired, sunburned, and not all that happy about the whole eating raw meat thing. That said, I also know that after having borne children in really comfortable circumstances and then recovering in my nice house with lots of good help (thanks, Hannah and Mom and Gran) and STILL suffering through nursing....well, doing that in the freaking desert I would have been murmuring a little bit. Not out of any lack of faith, and not because I'm a "whiny princess," but because it really would suck. The thing I've always thought was cool was that even though the women DID complain, God blessed them for being obedient until they got to the point that they DIDN'T complain any more, helping them transition into a completely new lifestyle.
So rather than read it as "God is so amazing that he managed to fix these whiny women," I think I would much rather read it as "Wow, these women did a really hard thing as best as they could, and then God helped them do the rest. Isn't it amazing how He loves His daughters?"
But maybe I'm just too feminist.
Monday, May 3, 2010
HOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!
I passed my exams. All of all of them. No re-writing. Done. Finished. Books going back TODAY.
YES!
YES!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Rainbow
I was in a little bit of a huff because of the plane ticket fiasco that I just resolved (yes, on a Sunday, can you believe it? I'm down to close enough to the trip that I thought it would be a crisis to let it wait until after my exam tomorrow...especially since I'd probably forget due to brain frazzle). Bee wanted to go outside because the pouring rain let up.
She said "Mom, Dad, a RAINBOW!" This exclamation resulted in our going outside (me, Mom, Ben, J, and Bee) and playing in the puddles and rain running down the storm drain. Erased the crisis. Hooray!
I love my kids, and I love that they're the good part of my life. Not that school is bad (it's not, I enjoy it a lot), or any of the rest of it either, just my kids are the part that I enjoy and love.
She said "Mom, Dad, a RAINBOW!" This exclamation resulted in our going outside (me, Mom, Ben, J, and Bee) and playing in the puddles and rain running down the storm drain. Erased the crisis. Hooray!
I love my kids, and I love that they're the good part of my life. Not that school is bad (it's not, I enjoy it a lot), or any of the rest of it either, just my kids are the part that I enjoy and love.
Panic (again, I think?)
I defend my exam and paper tomorrow at 9. They can only keep me for two hours. Then mom and the kids and I are going for ice cream before my students take their exam.
I just really want to be done, and am having all sorts of nightmares about how they can prolong this agony for me. I'm tired. :-)
I just really want to be done, and am having all sorts of nightmares about how they can prolong this agony for me. I'm tired. :-)
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