I've been home for three weeks now. I spent New Year's Eve around the kitchen table at my aunt T's house talking with my two cousins about life, boys, feminism, school, and being an adamantly determined woman when the need arises. They're both well on their way to being smart, independent girls, and it makes me really happy. Then on New Year's I helped with making the characteristic food...cucumber sandwiches and sweet stuff before dinner, then mashed potatoes, pork and sauerkraut for dinner (notice that the mashed potatoes come first. Why, you ask? Because they, despite the deliciousness of meat, are the most important. We make 10 pounds of them for family gatherings). There's something about cooking with T that makes me happy.
While I was doing these things, my two little cousins (who are 7 and 9) occupied the BeeBoo. It made me remember when T would come out to the valley house and Hannah and I used to run out to the car fighting over who got to take the babies in and play with them. (So inherent to female nature, we're just born nurturers....riiiiiight. Why don't people ever notice how little girls like to play with babies because that's what the grownups do?) I used to think it was so self-sacrificing for her to let me play with her babies. Now I see that she probably welcomed the respite as much as I do. And I love watching those girls with my little one. They teach her things, and are so sweet.
Also of note is the observation that my toddler enjoys swordplay and a toy tool set as much as do her male cousins. Despite this observation on my part, one of my in-laws commented that "it's interesting to see how BeeBoo, the first girl in this bunch, follows all the trends...she's more empathetic, more verbal, less physical..." bleah bleah bleah. My first response was to say that it had less to do with her sex that with her disposition and our parenting. But that implies (which is not my intention) that we're somehow better parents because we've raised this amazingly verbal child. I think she is the way she is 1) because God made her that way, 2) because her mother, grandmother, Granny-Great, and double great grandmother all love words, 3) because she spends all of her time with adults! She thinks she's a graduate student, I'm pretty sure (see the "I'm gonna be mommy" post). I just thought it was interesting that while I noticed her swordfighting and playing with tools and credited it to her desire to play with the boys, the rest of the family focused on how she would say things like "Ben sad" and then hug her crying cousin
and credited it to the fact that she's female. Hmmmm
Lately I've been forcefully reminded of the difference between being verbally and actually supportive. I'm so glad that I have a spouse who actually supports my pursuits, rather than simply giving me permission to take them on.
Tomorrow I'm going to sew a quilt together. I'm being so domestic! I get to go to Gran's house and work on it. Always good for two reasons. 1) I learn sewing skills from someone who's really good at them, 2) I get to hang out with Gran! She's pretty much the most amazing woman that ever was. She was a single mom for most of her three girls' growing up years, and now manages to coordinate choir practices, high school reunions, cookie exchanges, lunches with friends, Sewing (with a capital S because it's a group that meets and chats while they do the activity, not just the activity itself), take food to people who need it, visit older people, be Eucharistic minister to a nursing home, attend more funerals than I would ever have time for, sew clothes for her granddaughters and their dolls, cook for her whole family and all their kids, remember everyone's favorite everything....the list goes on and on. She's amazing.
It snowed today. My sister that's a senior didn't have to go to school. There should definitely be snow days in college.
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2 comments:
I think that people tend to emphasize traits in babies that confirm their gender expectations. My anecdotal observations have showed me that first children, girls or boys, tend to be more verbal in general. I think this has a lot to do with more adult-directed input and interaction.
I have to admit that I was a wee bit disappointed that my kids do confirm to gender expectations in some ways. S-Boogie was always more verbal and more social, and Little Dude is less verbal and more inclined to climb on things and physically destroy them. At the same time, he's more nurturing and cuddly than S-Boogie is. Like I said, I think babies come hard-wired with some characteristics, but I also think that parents and other caregivers tend to bring out and cultivate certain ones depending on their expectations or desires. Most of the time this is unconscious. I have friends with kids the same age as mine who love camping and skiing. They like to say they are "naturally outdoorsy", but I think it's just because the parents have done that with them and encouraged it from a young age. At the same time, my neice goes camping a lot and still doesn't "love" it at age six. So it's partly a personality thing as well. Anyways, that's enough of my amateur parenting theories :)
I have no parenting theories. I wish I had what you have, though.
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