Avoidance

I'm making a resolution. I'm going to stay away from blogs that inflame me with their rationalization of bad behavior and mean-spiritedness.

Which means keeping to The Exponent and avoiding "Good Strong Men."

But not before I make one last commentary, just because this man's reasoning is so fallacious.

In a follow-up to the woman-blaming post on pornography that I reference below, author Strong Man writes that porn is bad but isn't really any worse than eating too much meat (because we all know that that will keep you out of the temple), not visiting people in prison (because of course if you're fulfilling your home/visiting teaching calling to other people that's insufficient), speeding (because General Authorities continually warn against over-use of a gas pedal), or neglecting your family history work (okay, I added that last one, but you get the idea). He says these three things:

1) But, I'll leave the decisions of worthiness up to each individual person.

2) Either way--the man doesn't preside because he's more worthy or because he holds the priesthood--a non-LDS man who is "unworthy" still presides over his family.

3) The more worthy he is, the more easily he'll be able to listen to and obey God and bless his family. Yet of course, that leadership only helps them if they are willing to follow his guidance.


I have three things to say in response, because pornography addiction in the Church is a problem that cripples LDS men. They end up incapacitated, inactive, and unfit to be leaders. Remember how I said this quickly becomes a women's issue? Well, I'm an example of that. No, not because I have a husband who uses porn or rationalizes porn use as okay or "not a big deal." He calls it what it is - an evil thing that will destroy us if we don't avoid it completely - and acts accordingly. This is "my issue" because I attend a ward where there are few men who are capable leaders, counterbalanced with a small group of very capable women and a very large group of very needy individuals and families. These men dabble in one addiction or another without seeking the help they need to truly repent of them, or are inert in their own self-styled-scriptorian contentedness and do little or no real good. This creates a stagnant ward that is, in a word, dying. Since it affects me in terms of the "health" of the ward I attend, I have the following comments:

1) Leaving decisions of personal worthiness up to people themselves is fine - they're responsible for themselves. But if a man can look at porn and say "well, I'm not really hurting anyone, this isn't hard-core porn" then a woman who says "Nope, I'm only gonna have sex when I gain an upper hand by doing it" is no worse off. And that idea is ridiculous! They both need serious help, beyond what they'll come up with on their own. The fact exists that sin is sin. When you "look on a woman to lust after her" you've committed adultery in your heart. When you abuse your children or manipulate your spouse, you're defying God's instruction for families. And that's concrete. You can choose to do what you need to repent (talking to a Bishop would be wise, I think, to get some guidance rather than just fudging based on your own shame), or not. You have that choice - but as with all choices, there are better and worse ones.

2) Absolutely, non-LDS men preside in their homes without the aid of the Priesthood. An LDS man has a different leadership capacity. He bears the responsibility to use the Priesthood he holds to bless his family. The scriptures are quite clear that there are different standards for people who know more or have made certain covenants (see Doctrine and Covenants 82:3).

3) The leadership a father provides for his family depends largely on his ability to be inspired. When a husband classifies pornography use as "not such a big problem" or "something he can deal with in his way" rather than God's way, he's setting himself up for major problems down the road. When Eli's sons defiled the temple and slept with women they weren't married to, Eli told them they were wrong and bad. He provided leadership by calling them to repentance. And they didn't listen to him. When they didn't follow his advice, God punished Eli AND his sons. The question of leadership went beyond Eli calling them to repentance, it depended on Eli actively prohibiting sin not only in his household but more specifically in the temple. (see 1 Samuel 3 and 4, but 3:13 specifically)

If you're an LDS man who has pornography problems - with any type or pornography (I don't care what "core" it is, it's bad stuff), of any frequency/duration (you only looked once? Well, guess what, you looked once.) - don't practice the "Well, it's bad, but I can decide on my own how to repent of it because it's a personal decision," self-medicating avoidance tactic that Strong Man advises. By doing so, you're perpetuating the problem, limiting your ability to bless your family, and crippling the growth of the Church by creating weak wards.

It's really that serious.

Why else would Church leaders, in addition to COUNTLESS condemnations from the pulpit in General Conference of any and all forms of pornography, say in the Church Handbook of Instructions that "The Church opposes pornography in any form. Indulgence in pornography damages individual lives, families, and society. Such indulgence drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members should avoid all forms of pornographic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and use."

Now, some people will nit-pick and say "It says avoid. Sometimes when you avoid something, you end up in it by accident, or it happens anyway." I call BULL. Avoid means "keep away or refrain from" - ACTIVELY.

Call a spade a spade, stop looking at women (pictures of them, cheerleaders in short skirts, fashion models or actresses, coworkers, women on the street or at church, and your wife) as objects, go to your Bishop and be honest about the problem, then actively decide to keep yourself worthy. For your own sake and for the sake of the people around you who need the benefits of the Priesthood you bear.