Peace from a disturbance

I recently, in my blog stumblings, started reading some random LDS guy's blog. His opinions differ from mine, but I found some of what he wrote to be thought-provoking and worth the comment-conversations that ensued.

Then he posted this. And I stumbled upon this older post. I was really troubled by both; my knee-jerk reaction was "God forbid my daughter ever date his son" (though I think she'll be too smart for that), and eventually it progressed to the point of Ben listening to my rantings and assuring me that no, not all men think like this (I mean, I know this, I'm married to BEN for pete's sake), and kindly acting as a sounding board so that I could work through my frustration about the whole thing.

I got bogged down in how these posts reflect what I believe is a non-doctrinal attitude towards women that is sneakily prevalent in Church culture - That women really don't know what they want and if you persist long enough, they'll figure out that you (usually a masculine you) are right and know what's best for them; that women are like children and shouldn't be trusted with "adult" things like finances and employment decisions; that you should change your wife's behavior by training her....the language that shows up in both of those posts reminds me of the manual from the Monks of New Skete about becoming the alpha and dominating your puppy/dog so that they'll behave (albeit excellent dog training resource that I highly recommend for that purpose, I shudder to think that some men use the same techniques on their wives) . I think that's why I was so triggered by both posts (as evidenced in my comments on them).

This aspect of Church culture, especially because of the disconnect between it and doctrine (that women are valuable, that Christ often associated with them, that God loves his daughters and that we are more than just baby-machines....you know, that stuff) is something that I have struggled with since I became aware of it. I'm fairly certain that I will struggle with it for a long time yet, if not forever.

Fortunately, and partly through my step-dad's always-insightful perspective, I managed to once again separate Church culture from the doctrines I know to be true. Specifically, to remember what I know to be true about the marriage covenant.

I know that, like the rest of the Gospel, the marriage covenant is about bringing us, as individuals, closer to Christ. The Savior throughout His mortal ministry demonstrated a profound love and empathy for other people, often sacrificing for them in selfless ways. He also worked with those He loved, from within their own framework, to help them progress - when He raised Lazarus He didn't just run to the tomb and get it over with, He wept with His friends. Part of His mortal experience was to make the experiences of others intertwine with His own. Marriage, given our lack of perfection, is an excellent way for us to attempt to emulate Him in that aspect. We find someone that we love, that shares our goal of returning to our Father in Heaven, and we covenant to strive for an eternal marriage (an eternal marriage BEGINS in the temple, you've got no guarantee of it through the ordinance alone....another thing entirely, but listen real close to the words of the sealing ceremony next time you go). Which means that we bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. We complement (not compliment, though that's important too) each other, and strive to form a partnership - one like Elder Faust defines, where there is no "silent" or "lesser" partner. So that we can help each other to return home. I know that both God and the Savior intend marriage to be a learning and growing experience for their children that will ultimately bring them home. And I'm extremely grateful for the ordinances that allow it to last forever.

I feel a little sacrilegious closing the way I would in a testimony meeting. But you get the idea. Thanks for putting up with my bit of cathartic writing. :-D

* UPDATE* The blogger I disagree with removed the first post I link to in this post. To be clear on my disagreement, here's a summary. He titled it "The Brutal Truth about the Marriage Covenant" and stated this about marriage: "Why does a religious, Christian or LDS man get married? Because he wants a business partner? To get someone to chat and hang out with? Because he's desperate for children and posterity? Because he's lonely? He wants someone he enjoys doing certain hobbies or activities with? No. Just No. He wants sex. If he's healthy and normal, lots of it. Daily. At least. More often if possible." And yes, those are both direct quotes. And obviously, I have a problem with the idea that God's intention for marriage is so that men can get sex.