Ranting...again

"You're a student...you have TONS of free time"

This is the comment from a certain brother-in-law who will remain nameless. The basis?? When he was in graduate school, he had free time. Never mind that he was single. Never mind that he's ALSO A MAN!

I tried discussing this calmly with my husband, but since it turned in to a rant, here I am.

So, a couple of things.

1) When a man says to a woman, married or otherwise, who tries to keep up a household and take care of one or more little ones "You have tons of free time," my only conclusion is that he's never seen what it takes to keep up with cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands, bathing kids, dressing kids, feeding kids, changing kids, reading to kids, getting kids to nap, getting kids to talk, getting kids to walk, taking kids to the park, trying to do some ALONE activity to save your sanity, etc etc.

The problem is worse when this comment comes from a married man. He must not have any idea what his wife goes through every day, or if he does he obviously doesn't appreciate it. The "free time" statement indicates that he appraises her work as "All you do is stay home. You have tons of free time."

2) When a man says this to a married woman who is also a teacher and a graduate student, it's a good way to make her want to land him a swift kick in the head. (Or other, more painful parts)

Even if he had free time in grad school, even if he doesn't think that a wife's job is time consuming (and therefore important), he seems to think that the job he has is time consuming (and therefore important)...so when you pile the grad school and the wife/mom thing ON TOP OF THE JOB, why on EARTH would you think it's a good idea to say "This grad student/wife/mom/teacher must have tons of free time."

I think that we have a tendency to extrapolate our experience on to the experience of other people (I'm doing it here by being mad that he didn't understand my experience, so I guess I'm not much better). Since he had free time, I must have, never mind that my life is completely different and that society has an entirely distinct set of expectations for me.

Ah. It's out of my system. I wonder what you all will think of this story?

While I walk, I wonder

Walking around campus is really the only time in my life that I'm actually alone. So I think while I walk. It's nice to think (even if it's only for 10 minute segments or so) about something not school related, or not teaching related. So, I've been analyzing the events of the past week, and mainly being grateful that things can get better.

I've also wondered if they're actually better, or just seem better. My husband and I are really good at the nuts-and-bolts, surviving our insane schedules part of life.

One thing especially has made me really feel reassured, though. This statement is probably going to sound strange at first. But I promise, it really makes sense. I was reminded today of how wonderful it is to have the capability of leaving. Were it not for my steady, self-supportable income, I could worry that I was only staying in this relationship for the sake of being taken care of. But I'm NOT! Because I could leave, given the motivation/desire. I can exist on my own.

Which means that I must actually still love him! Which is wonderful. Really and truly (I've noticed myself using that phrase a lot lately...) if it weren't for the "This is still worth it, you're still worth it" factor, there wouldn't be much reason for me to go through this agony. So at least there's some good in it.

Life goes on, things get a bit better.

*&%$^@ office hours!

So, below you will find the possibilities for typical scenarios that represent my office hours.

1) I sit. And wait. And lesson plan. Because no one comes. EVER!

2) The day before the test, students come and say "What's going to be on the test?"

3) The day after the test, students come and say "I'm here so you can teach me Spanish."

The third one bugs me the most. I spend three hours a week doing that, and you can't be bothered! So why should I be bothered when you can't even articulate a specific question? I mean, it's not as though I can transmit my years of Spanish acquisition to you, in one fluid movement and complete session, in ONE HOUR!!!!

(deep breath, moment to collect myself)

I like the first scenario the best. It's the most typical and is thus routine...routines work well in my life. I'm good with them. Hopefully my upcoming office hours session will be a day that I can lesson plan to my heart's content, and not have to be forced to actually DO anything. :-)