Have you ever had a relationship with a person that, no matter how hard you tried, did nothing but frustrate you?
Months ago, a family member and I had this crazy back-and-forth email exchange that centered on their acting in a way that I perceived to be gossipy. No matter how hard I tried to make it better, the responses this person sent me just made me feel worse and worse, until I finally said "Look, I don't have the energy for this, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings." That's the last we've communicated, and it's been months.
The thing I don't get is that I have pretty passable relationships with most of the other people in my life. I don't think I'm particularly high maintenance, I try to engage in a give-and-take. My mom's better at it than me, and I want to be like her when I grow up. But that's a total side note.
I guess what I'm getting at is, that I would LIKE to have a reasonable relationship with this person, and try hard to overlook/get past/whatever you want to call it some pretty dramatic personality differences in order to do it. It just doesn't seem to work, even though I try pretty hard.
I don't really know what the point of this rant is, other than to put it out there. I'd love advice, if anyone has it.
2 comments:
Ugh. That's so frustrating. Here are a few things that have helped me in similar situations because I'm often hyper sensitive to what impression I'm sending to family members:
1. Pres. Monson said in his talk on anger a few conferences ago "Only a fool gets offended when only offense is intended." Rather than help me avoided getting offended, this has calmed me down to be able to say "I didn't mean any offense, so I have to hope they'll understand that".
2. Time and an olive branch. If it's been a few months, a birthday card/call or sending something this person would enjoy (nothing so big as to appear to be a bribe) might go along way to smooth any ruffled feathers.
3. Ignore it. Sometimes I stew over something for months only to find that the other party either forgot or it never made it on her radar to begin with.
Good luck!
I have NO advice, as I am in the same boat, but I can commiserate with you. I find that my life is better all around when I pretend like my certain family member doesn't exist, which sounds horrible, but it's really good for my mental well-being. He doesn't care that we're not speaking and doesn't show any interest whatsoever in my life, so we exchange Christmas presents once a year and never speak. Meh.
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