So, I've recently become somewhat embroiled in a series of technology etiquette breaches involving comments made specifically about me being addressed to large groups of people. I've been pretty okay with it, I think....but really the whole thing just reinforces the more general alienation that I feel from my acquired family. (I like saying that better than "in-laws"...it reminds me that I did choose them, in however remote a way)
This has caused me to start thinking about how I think, what I do, and who I am. I have realized that through the course of my education I've observed the necessity of evaluating multiple sources and opinions, taking into account the ultimate motivation, agenda, and source of each. This makes me feel mostly overwhelmed, like I can't make a good decision because there are SO MANY options, many with viable points, and some that should be disqualified because of conflicts of interests. I think in a roundabout way, and get bogged down by feeling like I need to evaluate as much as I can (which in this information age is a staggering amount of information).
Thinking this way has caused me to be more cautious about my actions, especially when they involve or affect other people. I always read things that I send, think about things I say, and question things I'm going to do, before I send, say, or do them. I've become much more cautious about my actions than I was before I went to college (at both the extremely conservative and the extremely liberal institutions I've attended).
Acting this way has caused me to become the object of derision in one segment of my family, and a source of pride in another, a misfit to some extent in both. But I'm happy with myself. And that, of course, is a good thing...one that matters more than the other stuff.
I revealed a secret to Ben last night. I feel like I can't quite articulate it without coming across like I think I'm so wise or experienced. Which is not my intent. But what I think is this: if I were an older woman, fewer of the people in my life who have problems with my thinking, doing, and being, would have problems with them. So why is it that we've created a society where young women who are sure of themselves (albeit wrong, at times), whether in terms of their thinking, doing, or being, are viewed as pariahs??
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4 comments:
It's hard to be the person who destroys dumb stereotypes for people. But I think you're right, there is an idea out there that women have to earn the right to speak their minds, by aging or something.
My coworker and I were talking about this type of problem today, that once a woman shows her mind and strives to be something, she's called ambitious (as though it were a bad thing) and men are just supposed to be ambitious, so it's no sin for them to speak their minds.
I don't know what to tell you, but I like you the way that you are and I learn from you...so keep on keeping on, etc.
Amen. I happen to like what you have to say.
It's a society that's made me less and less sure of myself the older I get. Now I'm sure of only a couple things (love and goodness). It's OK, though, because most of the folks who don't like it that you have the ideas you do only think they know what they're talking about.
Well friend. I wish I knew what specific things you were talking about because my brain doesn't do abstract well and I am no longer in acadamia, so my version of being judged is my daughter giving me an expression that says, "Mom, that was dumb," and then walking away. I'm not sure that counts.
On another note...you are much more thoughtful in your posts than I am. It's kind of fun. :)
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