Me: I wonder why J is totally and absolutely uninterested in potty training?
Ben: *snicker*
Me: What? Bee was excited about it at this age, and she doesn't have older siblings or anything.
Ben: It's funny. You're surprised, even though he's the embodiment of entropy and chaos.
Me: . . .
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Why, oh why?
Today's playgroup discussion has me tying my brain in knots trying to understand why people don't see the double standard they ascribe to.
I mentioned Ben's dissatisfaction with seeing less of his kids because of a shift (albeit only by 30 minutes) in his work schedule. The other women fell all over themselves to assure me that "it's not quantity time, it's quality time....it's what he's doing with it!" and that he shouldn't be concerned about missing out. I brought up how much he enjoyed spending so much of Bee's early life at home (at least some of the time) and J's, and how we're both a little sad for future children that it won't be the same. Again, the reassurances that it just doesn't matter, that he'll feel the same toward them all and that they'll all feel the same toward him.
Later in the conversation someone asked me about what I'm planning to do next baby-go-round. I half considered saying "Oh, we're done. Two's plenty!" even though it isn't true for us.....just for the shock factor. Instead, I talked about how I'm wondering what life will look like....this will be the first time I've had a job and a newborn, rather than being in classes with a newborn. And I honestly don't know what it will look like. Everyone rushed to reassure me that I'd be able to scale back my work schedule or sacrifice my job entirely in the interests of being a good mother.
Why, oh why, is it that no one sees the ridiculousness of this contrast? Is it that men are such inherently better parents that they need less time to be just as good at it, and get the same results that women do after spending hours upon uninterrupted hours with their children? Is it that only mothers are capable of providing quality childcare? Is it that fathers are so inept that we shouldn't risk a child's care on them? Is it that working a two-day-a-week schedule will make it impossible for me to be an adequate mother?
I don't think it's any of those. I think that looking at how foolish all of those reasons are, just reassures me that it will be just fine for me to work.....if Ben can work and still be a good Dad, I can work and still be a good Mom. Unless by working he's a failure at parenting, in which case I guess our poor kids are just SOL.
I mentioned Ben's dissatisfaction with seeing less of his kids because of a shift (albeit only by 30 minutes) in his work schedule. The other women fell all over themselves to assure me that "it's not quantity time, it's quality time....it's what he's doing with it!" and that he shouldn't be concerned about missing out. I brought up how much he enjoyed spending so much of Bee's early life at home (at least some of the time) and J's, and how we're both a little sad for future children that it won't be the same. Again, the reassurances that it just doesn't matter, that he'll feel the same toward them all and that they'll all feel the same toward him.
Later in the conversation someone asked me about what I'm planning to do next baby-go-round. I half considered saying "Oh, we're done. Two's plenty!" even though it isn't true for us.....just for the shock factor. Instead, I talked about how I'm wondering what life will look like....this will be the first time I've had a job and a newborn, rather than being in classes with a newborn. And I honestly don't know what it will look like. Everyone rushed to reassure me that I'd be able to scale back my work schedule or sacrifice my job entirely in the interests of being a good mother.
Why, oh why, is it that no one sees the ridiculousness of this contrast? Is it that men are such inherently better parents that they need less time to be just as good at it, and get the same results that women do after spending hours upon uninterrupted hours with their children? Is it that only mothers are capable of providing quality childcare? Is it that fathers are so inept that we shouldn't risk a child's care on them? Is it that working a two-day-a-week schedule will make it impossible for me to be an adequate mother?
I don't think it's any of those. I think that looking at how foolish all of those reasons are, just reassures me that it will be just fine for me to work.....if Ben can work and still be a good Dad, I can work and still be a good Mom. Unless by working he's a failure at parenting, in which case I guess our poor kids are just SOL.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Women's half marathon
Before I talk about the race I have to say that the best part of the weekend was seeing AL, JC, and meeting baby Bean, who I got to talk to but who wasn't accommodating enough to kick me. :-) I miss them so much, I love when I get the chance to visit. And they made pre- and post-race a lot easier by dropping us off and picking us up...and eating chocolate ice cream with us while we watched the RS meeting broadcast afterward.
On to the race.
Either they don't know how to write an elevation map, or I don't know how to read one. :-) What was supposed to be a course with a 40 foot overall elevation change turned out to be a continuous series of hills....and rather large ones, at that. The two worst "hills" were the bridges that took us over the river and back.....at mile 11.5 and 12.5!!! Given that it was an all women's race I was intrigued by the fact that I overheard the phrase "This hill is a bitch" multiple times on the way up (honestly, friends, call it a bastard or something! ;-) ). Anyway. It was a difficult course but very fulfilling in its challenge, and pretty....we saw a lot of Nashville.
I was concerned about my preparation because I've not been running regularly. I've been pushing harder and running longer when I do, though, and it paid off. I ran an 8:30 pace continuously....at mile 4 when I realized I was under 35 minutes I thought, "I need to slow down or I'm gonna drop dead before this is done." I tried to scale back but just felt so GOOD! The weather was ideal, and since my iPod failed to charge it was just me and the demons - great to run them out! I just had a great time the whole time! I finished at 1:51:25, over 6 minutes better than my previous PR for a half marathon. I was 170 of 3060 overall, and 36th in my age group.
Going in I wondered about the environment/atmosphere of the race because of the "all women" element. My mother-in-law was interested in it, and I thought it would be fun to tag along. There was great race chatter the whole time....I went back-and-forth with a girl shooting for two hours as her first 1/2 marathon (wow, she's awesome), a girl who was a Nashville local and was cheered on by her husband and 1-year-old at mile 6, and a lady who finished 6th in her age group that inspired me because of her machine-like consistent pace. It was fun to talk while I was running. The atmosphere was really nice and a lot less competitive than other races I've run in, people did a lot of cheering for each other just because it was fun. There weren't as many spectators as I've seen at other races, but still a decent crowd. The music/bands left a lot to be desired, except whichever group was at the top of the beastly bridge-hill at mile 12.5.....whoever they were, they were pretty great! And the guys in togas at the water stop after the turn around (mile 8 ish maybe?) were HILARIOUS!
The thing I thought was most interesting was the signage. I saw a lot of taking-back-type "Run like a girl" signs that were fun, and plenty of "My mom can outrun your mom" and "I love my Mommy!" signs from little kids - I loved seeing families supporting their moms. There were two signs that made me think: "Hurry up, I'm tired of standing here waiting for you" and "I still expect my beer at half time." Both were held by men in their late 30s or early 40s with guts. If they were serious, I don't know what to begin to say about them. Giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming an attempt at jest, I have two things to say:
1) The woman you were supporting was doing something I'm pretty sure, based on your physiology, that you can't do. Don't belittle it just because you can't do it.
2) Sexism isn't funny. It's just not. Even when you try to pretend that you're joking. A wise friend once told me that you never say anything you don't mean just a little bit. So c'mon. Figure it out.
It was a great race, I had a great time! Don't know that I'll do it again, but you never know. It could happen.
On to the race.
Either they don't know how to write an elevation map, or I don't know how to read one. :-) What was supposed to be a course with a 40 foot overall elevation change turned out to be a continuous series of hills....and rather large ones, at that. The two worst "hills" were the bridges that took us over the river and back.....at mile 11.5 and 12.5!!! Given that it was an all women's race I was intrigued by the fact that I overheard the phrase "This hill is a bitch" multiple times on the way up (honestly, friends, call it a bastard or something! ;-) ). Anyway. It was a difficult course but very fulfilling in its challenge, and pretty....we saw a lot of Nashville.
I was concerned about my preparation because I've not been running regularly. I've been pushing harder and running longer when I do, though, and it paid off. I ran an 8:30 pace continuously....at mile 4 when I realized I was under 35 minutes I thought, "I need to slow down or I'm gonna drop dead before this is done." I tried to scale back but just felt so GOOD! The weather was ideal, and since my iPod failed to charge it was just me and the demons - great to run them out! I just had a great time the whole time! I finished at 1:51:25, over 6 minutes better than my previous PR for a half marathon. I was 170 of 3060 overall, and 36th in my age group.
Going in I wondered about the environment/atmosphere of the race because of the "all women" element. My mother-in-law was interested in it, and I thought it would be fun to tag along. There was great race chatter the whole time....I went back-and-forth with a girl shooting for two hours as her first 1/2 marathon (wow, she's awesome), a girl who was a Nashville local and was cheered on by her husband and 1-year-old at mile 6, and a lady who finished 6th in her age group that inspired me because of her machine-like consistent pace. It was fun to talk while I was running. The atmosphere was really nice and a lot less competitive than other races I've run in, people did a lot of cheering for each other just because it was fun. There weren't as many spectators as I've seen at other races, but still a decent crowd. The music/bands left a lot to be desired, except whichever group was at the top of the beastly bridge-hill at mile 12.5.....whoever they were, they were pretty great! And the guys in togas at the water stop after the turn around (mile 8 ish maybe?) were HILARIOUS!
The thing I thought was most interesting was the signage. I saw a lot of taking-back-type "Run like a girl" signs that were fun, and plenty of "My mom can outrun your mom" and "I love my Mommy!" signs from little kids - I loved seeing families supporting their moms. There were two signs that made me think: "Hurry up, I'm tired of standing here waiting for you" and "I still expect my beer at half time." Both were held by men in their late 30s or early 40s with guts. If they were serious, I don't know what to begin to say about them. Giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming an attempt at jest, I have two things to say:
1) The woman you were supporting was doing something I'm pretty sure, based on your physiology, that you can't do. Don't belittle it just because you can't do it.
2) Sexism isn't funny. It's just not. Even when you try to pretend that you're joking. A wise friend once told me that you never say anything you don't mean just a little bit. So c'mon. Figure it out.
It was a great race, I had a great time! Don't know that I'll do it again, but you never know. It could happen.
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