Gauntlet

So, my defense yesterday was a really difficult hour, and I ended up with a splitting headache.

The whole day was one of those "Oh, yeah, I'm a PhD student AND a mom AND I don't live close to campus anymore....I must be nuts" days. Lucky for me my dad took a vacation day and came with us, or it would have been worse, what with dropping the kids with a sitter and all. Lucky for me that these days only happen about every 4 months.

Anyway. Here's how it went.

Tuesday night I laid out clothes for all of us, packed one bag with a change of clothes for each of the kids plus Bee's ballet stuff (you guessed it, ballet day on my defense date), one bag with snacks, juice, and sippy cups, and my school bag with my computer, flash drives, and notebook for the defense. Wednesday morning I got up at 6 to get myself ready, got the kids up at 7 and got them fed and dressed, and we set off for Bloomington.

The car was making a horrendous noise. I hadn't driven the car in ages (Ben uses it for work), and didn't realize it was so bad. We called around as we were driving, found out that the two closest rental places on the way were sold out of cars (on a Wednesday? Seriously?), and decided to just wing it and pray. We made it there.

I dropped the kids and Dad off at WonderLab (where they had a MARVELOUS time, he tells me), and set off for campus. Parked in the visitor's garage, realizing as I drove in that they had DOUBLED rates since last semester (?!?!) and that it was going to cost me $15 to park. So I was going to have to go get cash at some point, my ten was not going to cut it. Left the car, went in to my building on campus.

Had just enough time to run over my notes a time or two, and chat with the department secretaries (who I love) for a bit. Then we started my defense. It was all attack at first, which really rattled me for the rest of it. My advisor said I adjusted well to that, and that it was okay. But it felt terrible. After all the questions/concerns/"I think you should include x,y, z too" I left for them to deliberate. It took them a while. I was really scared. They brought me back into the room, I saw my last committee member signing the paperwork. FLOOD of relief! I do have to make a few style changes, but I can manage that.

The professor on my committee that I'm most intimidated by (just because she's SO brilliant and articulate...she's a wonderful person, but she scares me as a scholar just because she's so good at it and expects so much) paid me several nice compliments that almost made me cry. After she left, my advisor (who had witnessed the exchange) assured me that the other professor does not bestow praise like that lightly. Then she told me to be confident in my ideas because they're good and I'm smart, and I DID start to cry (which was a little embarrassing). We talked a bit about the plan of attack for writing the dissertation, and about the book project I'm working on for her, and about my possible teaching next fall. Then I left.

I ran to the nearest ATM (which of course was in the opposite direction from the car), got cash, ran to the car, paid my due, and went to WonderLab to collect my family. When I got there I grabbed the spare clothes from the car, ran in, and saw that the kids had had SO much fun that they were soaking wet (there is a water display there that's fun). I changed J's nasty diaper, changed his wet clothes, and got Bee into her ballet stuff. We jumped in the car, and drove home.

Dad took over driving after an hour, I had such a headache from the day. We were planning to have him drop me and Bee off at her ballet class, then take J home to Ben. Well, about 15 minutes from home, J puked his guts out - like that "Wow, I had no idea that your stomach could hold that much....oh, you're still not done...oh, and there's more. Geesh" sort of puking. So we took a detour. Dropped J off with Ben (who grabbed him, carseat and all), and went to ballet. We were about 20 minutes late for the hour-long class because of the unexpected change in plans. Poor J.

While Bee was finishing class I went to the coffee shop next door, and sat still, all alone, for a blissful half hour sipping a blackberry Italian soda. After she finished class,we went home, ate a light dinner (since lunch had been so late), and did bedtime.

I laid down on the couch and zoned out to American Idol (which my stepmom had on and I was amused by), then sort of fell in and out of sleep for a while. I felt like I had been beaten with a baseball bat.

But I passed! Which is good.

Information

Glenn Beck basically drives me nuts, but I sometimes find his thinking amusing. My favorite part of this video is where he says that Google is being kicked out of "all the other countries" (I won't even get into the ridiculousness of that blanket claim) because they're somehow conspiring with the American government.

Or maybe they're being kicked out of absolutist states because they allow people access to information. And information can change the balance of power in absolutist states when enough people have access to it. And absolutist leaders love when the balance of power shifts....oh wait. That's right, the absolutist leaders depend on the balance of power staying the same, and on controlling what information circulates. Maybe THAT'S why they don't like Google.

Or maybe freedom of information is a big American "conspiracy." That's right, I mean, after all, think I remember reading something somewhere about freedom of the press (and the circulation of information that it allows) being important to the foundation of America that Beck is so fond of distorting.

Geesh.

DEFENSE!

So, I have a date. Next Wednesday I'm defending my dissertation proposal.

I'm so excited to get this last hurdle to writing, and next-to-last hurdle in the whole thing, knocked out. I think the desire to just be done with it is going to outweigh the fear.

Mostly.