I dood it!

To quote J.

I ran 32 miles today.  And when I say ran, I mean ran.  Not terribly fast (about a 10-minute pace for half, about a 13 minute pace for the other half) - finished in 6 hours.  But I didn't walk.  At all.

And now I am tired.  I'll change this post to a race report here in a while after all the results come in.  But for now, know that I did it and am still alive.

*UPDATE: Race report below*

The weather was questionable when I rolled out of bed at 4:45 Saturday morning to pull on some clothes and drive the more-than-an-hour trip up to Yellow Springs for the race.  I packed a bag that allowed for just about every possible weather condition, and multiple changes for some.  I did NOT want a clothing issue to be the reason for a DNF.  I was a little scared that I wouldn't manage the distance, I felt like I'd be faking it at best, so I considered not starting.

But that's just not how I function.  I said I would do it, so I set out to do it or die trying.

Let me just say that John Bryan state park is awesome in any case, but in early spring - and with this one having been so warm - it was BEAUTIFULLY green and flowery.  The trail system is really well maintained, and the race director did an awesome job of routing us on it - you'd have had to try pretty hard to get lost.  The rain held off for almost the whole race (I got rained on for about 5 miles of it - which, considering the percentage, is not bad), and we even got peeks of blue sky.

The aid stations were spaced perfectly - for me, at least.  The life squad guys were never more than 3 miles from us at any point on the loop.  And as to food, water, etc., I didn't need to carry anything with me, they had them manned to a T and stocked with more variety than I would have tried to eat.  I used mostly pretzel rods, gels, gatorade, and water - though I did try some fruit snacks (disastrously - my throat closed up on them) and even had a couple bites of an apple.  I know that they say ultramarathoners have stomachs of steel, but I just don't.  I mean, I think I probably handle taking food in while running better than the average joe runner, but I've got nothing on the guys that eat pizza and chili and stuff while they're trucking along.  The only picture of me this race shows just how hard it is for me to make myself eat on the trail - check out my face!  Almost suffering to get that gel down.  :-)

The course being a loop was a nice security blanket for me, it made me feel less like I was going to die out in the woods without anyone knowing it.  And I could swap out clothes and shoes.  In true runner-craziness fashion, the loop was this lolling, gently-rolling and gradually downward-sloping path that dropped down to the river at just over halfway through.  Then a stretch of REALLY TECHNICAL (here read: lots of roots, big boulder-y rocks sticking up like the earth's bones were trying to reach through, cliff faces, gravelly riverbed that at one point was within inches of the river itself, thank-goodness-it's-flat-cause-there's-no-running-fast-on-this, obstacle course-like running) trail.  I was grateful for it, because the lateral motion gave my muscles a break from my robotic running form.  The back-and-forth felt super nice every time through.  And it made the trail different each loop because I looked up at different points - which was nice.  And finish off with two really steep climbs - a set of old stone steps and a hill, both of which had their fair share of fallen trees to navigate.  True distance runner mentality to go "Yes!  The hill!  Bust up it then I'm DONE!", right?

I ran part of the first loop with a lady named Holly - I recognized her because I'd read her race report online.  I was trying to not go out too fast and kill myself (I train at shorter distances at about a 9- or 9:30 pace; nothing doing me trying for THAT for 32 miles), she helped me get off to a good start.  We had a nice chat and then either she dropped back or I stepped up.  Then I chatted in the rocky section with a guy who told me that by his GPS we were keeping a 9:40 pace.  Right.  I slowed down, I knew there'd be no keeping it up.

As I came out of the first loop I ditched my jacket.  At the shelter I saw this guy with some awesome huaraches, and said something to him about them - we struck up a conversation about everything from barefoot running to raw foods and veganism to natural childbirth and non-traditional/non-gender-based parenting arrangements.  Needless to say, the second loop FLEW by!  I liked Randy a lot.  I was planning on using my Vibrams for the last loop, he convinced me to go for it for the last half.  When we got to the shelter I switched shoes, but I took off before he was ready to get moving again.

Going into the third loop I was SO GLAD I listened to Randy's advice - the foot pain I was wrestling with went away completely.  I ran most of the loop alone, though there were Boy Scouts (one of whom was serenading runners with a ukelele) all along the trail, which made for some fun banter.  I did sort of leapfrog through the end of the third loop with a lady named Linda.  I thought she was inspiring, the 50k was a training run for her - she runs 100-mile races.  *sigh*  Someday when my kids are big, maybe.  She and I were built similarly (petite and short) - but she was probably 5-10 pounds lighter than me.  My thick thighs and runner butt, mostly.  At the end of the race in the parking lot, she complimented me for my methodical pace.  I liked the compliment.

The last loop I ran in almost complete solitude - leapfrogged with Linda a tiny bit and then talked with another lady (whose name I didn't catch, she was just running two of the loops to run with her husband so I can't even take a guess from the results), but by the time we went through the aid station Linda was away and gone and I had left the other lady behind.  The rain that had been threatening finally let loose, and I had to talk myself into not going back the mile to the aid station.  Once I got back into the woods I was chilled to the point of having cold hands, but I talked myself into keeping moving.  The mental battle was something fierce - I've not talked myself through something like that since childbirth.  I was methodically counting steps, keeping my breathing measured and regular, calculating distances and times out in my head.  By the time I got to the climbs the last two times I was ready to walk - but I made myself keep to at least a shuffle because I knew the end was around the corner, literally.

I expected to be in serious pain at the end of the race - I was after Tecumseh.  This race, not so much.  I WAS freezing (the rain was in loop 4), but I bounced over to my bag, stripped off wet layers in favor of dry socks (NO SHOES over them) and T-shirt, and huddled by the fire that the WONDERFUL volunteers had going in the shelter.  I've never been so glad to see a heat source.  I can also say the only time I was more glad to see my Dad was when I got home from my mission - then cause I missed him, this time because he had my kids and a bag with dry sweats and sports bra and a hooded sweatshirt and some converse in it.

All told, I was okay!  At mile 24 I was on pace to beat my previous marathon best by about 15 minutes - and then I kept going for another 6 miles, ha ha!  I was the 6th woman to finish, the other four women under 30 who even attempted the race, I beat.

No major stiffness (though some minor ankle pains in BOTH ankles next day), just some aches in my back and shoulders.  I also felt pretty unbalanced stomach-wise, but some of the other runners suggested caffeinated pop and sodium would fix it.  So on the way home I grabbed a Dr. Pepper and a bag of pretzel rods.  I was in fine shape by the time we got home, even ate some pizza before bed.

It was a great race.  And now I might have to run another one.

But that's no surprise, is it?

Favorite thing

At the moment, my very favorite thing is when J says
"Because....uuummm......ah-ow know." 
It makes me happy.

My little boy is three today!  And I'm so glad that he was born.  On my kids' birthdays I find myself re-living their births.  I mean, as much as you can without all the pain and intense focus.  Seriously, though, I think back to how overwhelmingly joyful it felt to hold them the first time, and how rewarding it made all the struggle to get them. 

I love my babies, even though they're not babies any more!

Who can find a virtuous woman?

I've been mulling Proverbs 31 over in my head for a while. I've been devoting a lot of my personal scripture study time to my (somewhat vain) attempts to reconcile scripture and recent conference addresses with the cultural practices of the LDS church.

Honestly, I feel acutely torn by the fact that official rhetoric puts me up on some sort of pedestal (Women are so great - better than men even! I love my wife and am so glad she supports me! Aren't we glad for the righteous mothers in Zion! I could go on, but all of this bothers me for various reasons - not least of which being the idea that men are somehow less capable of spirituality than women) while in reality women are relegated to a marginal role in the church. Some of them are even unlucky enough to have a husband who insists on acting as THE intermediary between God and the family, and they find them selves marginalized even within their own families. Is it any wonder that with the lip-service-only value given to women in the church, the LDS church has such a high rate of women with depression? Talk is cheap. Show me a man who actually supports women and actually values them by actively supporting them. You know, with actions. Like being a capable parent and sharing the burden of making a home comfortable.

But that's not what this post is about. Others have already dissected those issues with beautiful skill and rhetoric that impresses me. I only mention it to explain why I'm studying Proverbs 31 the way I am.


And I'm going to leave verses 10 for last. So there.


I've been thinking about the list (the very LONG list) of the things that the virtuous woman does - there's a whole host of things listed in verses 11 - 27.

My first thought is a reminder that it is impossible to do all things at every moment. If you're looking for the virtuous woman in Proverbs and expect her to be continually doing ALL of those things ALL of the time, well.....good luck with that. Probably not going to happen. I repeatedly remind my children that they are the most important thing I have, but that their immediate wants are not always the most important thing; this resembles that condition. At different stages in our lives we'll worship God in different ways and give emphasis to different commandments.

Right now the things that resonated with me personally the most are these:

Verse 13: worketh willingly with her hands

Verse 15: riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household

Verse 16: considereth a field and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard

Verse 17: girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms


I work willingly with my mind. My hands are part of the equation (hard to write on a chalkboard or type or grade papers without them), but the thing that really benefits me these days is the knowledge that I worked so hard to accrue over time (and oh such a long time it seemed....and is still not over). I'm so grateful that I didn't go the "get married at 19 and have babies as soon has humanly possible" route - I know several women who, while they accept that they chose this route, feel like cultural pressure indoctrinated them into it. For me in my headstrong ways, it's nice to know that I'm staying because I choose to - not because it's my only alternative.

Working outside my home means that I often rise while it's yet night - to finish some grading, some laundry or mending, and to get dinner into the crock pot so that we can eat when I get home. I'm willing to sacrifice the extra sleep because I value the things I do, and don't want to neglect any of them.

We recently purchased fruit trees and planted them; I finally got the raised beds into shape, too. Last year's garden was good, this year's should be great. And I can't wait for the trees to bear.....the years are going to drag, but it will be fun to teach the kids about the process and watch the trees grow and change. We're also going to buy chickens to sort of co-op with my cousin (who has space but no money). With all of these things, we'll be largely self-sufficient for 1/4 of the year. Awesome.

I'm strengthening my legs mostly these days. Though there's some core and arm strength involved in running (looking at most any runner will demonstrate this). I'm at the point that I can run for about 3 hours before I start to feel sluggish. It's amazing - I have more energy (even though I'm expending a ton of it), I'm nicer to the kids and more patient, and just feel more healthy overall. It's nice to feel capable and confident in my body's abilities. This weekend's 50K should be quite the adventure. We'll see how it goes.

I feel like I have serious room for improvement in my helping of the poor - fast offerings, storehouse assignments, and even donations to local thrift-stores-with-causes seem insufficient to me. I can and should do better.



So now for verse 10.



The word "virtuous" has me fascinated, because the shared root with the Latin "vir" (as in virile - manly) makes me think of the 16th-century Spanish "one-sex" model of gender - which holds that men and women are just at different points along some sort of gender continuum (no guessing who's farther along toward perfection under said model, of course). Being virtuous means being manly? Being "varonil" for a female protagonist in a Golden Age play is NOT an insult (the way calling a woman "butch" these days might be). It's a compliment. But I decided that as much as I liked the idea that the scriptures encourage women in their striving to have characteristics typically associated with men (working, industry, protecting the people in the home, etc), I still wanted and needed to dig deeper.

The Hebrew word in the verse, normally translated as "virtuous," is "chayil." In the Tanakh this version of the word is used almost exclusively to refer to warfare. So women should be strong, forceful, mighty. And those things are not necessarily "manly," they're just desirable traits. I like this explanation.

I'm striving to work on the "to-do" list in Proverbs 31 because I feel like those are things Christ did. And I want to follow His example. But in the meantime, it's nice to know that I don't have to be some sort of shrinking violet in order to accomplish some invented female variation on discipleship.